So, my friend was feeling really down today. We were riding in my car after practice and he was telling me that he was upset by how he was acting. He felt as though people hated him because he was annoying and over-the-top and just an overall socially awkward person.He told me that he felt insignificant and worthless because no one really likes him. He felt “forever alone.”
“Forever alone” is a funny phrase, but the way he said it broke my heart.
I tried to find the right words to tell him that it wasn’t like that at all, when all of a sudden the radio came up with a song that completely fit the words I was trying to say. So I shut up, turned up the volume, and pointed to the radio, indicated to him to listen and these were the lyrics:
“You are more than the choices that you make
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You’ve been remade”
I couldn’t believe that at the moment when I really needed it, the radio came up with that song. The very song that he needed to hear, with the words that I couldn’t say with my mouth. When the song ended, we sat in my car and we were a bit speechless. Then, I started talking to him and telling him that he was worth it and that he’s more than what he has seen himself as. Before the song, I was groping about in the darkness, trying to find the right words, but afterwards, I knew exactly what to say and the words were pulled out of me as naturally as water flows down a river.
And the look on his face said it all.
At that moment, I felt like the whole world was on my side. Like the whole world was helping me cheer up my friend. Like God placed me in my car, in that exact situation for one single purpose: to cheer up a friend. And it was like the entire universe was working with me to bring a smile to his face.
I truly felt as if I was fulfilling my purpose in this life at that moment. Like, my purpose in life was to bring smile to people’s faces like that night. And the entire universe is cheering me on to fulfill that purpose. And, above all, I know I glorified God at that moment, too, and that is more than I could ever ask for.
Why does God continue to bring sinful people into this world? When He knows that for every person he breathes life into, He also knows every sin that person will commit. He knows every decision that person will make. And He also very well knows the possibility of having that person reject Him and spend eternity in Hell and condemnation. So, why? Would it not be better to just do away with this world and not exist rather than maybe, probably, possibly being condemned in eternal torture? Why does He take that risk?
Well, because obviously, He believes we are worth it.
Watching his inaugural speech, I can only hope Obama keeps his word and works for the betterment of mankind. Reading the YouTube comments, however… Let’s just say the immaturity of people astounded me. People still resort to name-calling as the basis for their arguments and they don’t know the meaning of civility in public areas.
Some of us may not like Obama. I, personally, can’t say I fully support him (not like I fully supported Romney, either). Many of us are disappointed by what he gave his past four years. But, he’s the President now. He won.
People don’t like compromise. I know that. But Obama’s what we got. He’s our leader now. He deserves the respect his title implies and he most definitely needs our prayers. So, while these next four years may be politically and economically shaky, I won’t give up hope. The voters chose Obama. And, by this government, this is how it shall be for a while.
I may not technically have a choice, but if it means anything, I do, in fact, choose to support our new president. This country will never get anywhere if we all don’t meet each other halfway.
Because I haven’t had time to fully digest everything that has happened to me. From life-changing Dominican Republic to subtle understanding California Leadership Academy. From momentary silliness to deep wisdom I never knew I had within me.
Sometimes I really surprise myself. Everything’s so clear. Everything’s so bright. I notice things I have never noticed before. Vibe all the way at the end a split second early on their entrance? I can hear it. Someone’s left hand slow during a run? I can tell. Cleaning, teaching, run through. Wash, rinse, and repeat. I can move like never before in front my instrument. It’s ecstasy. It’s wonderful. Surrounded by music and creating music. This is the gift God has granted me. This is home. I’ve never had so much fun before. I’ve never been so stressed. I’ve grown ten years older these last 6 months. I can feel it, I can feel it, I can feel it.
I wake up and almost, almost believe that I am thirty years old. The things I hear myself saying, I never would have said a year and a half ago. They’re too mature. They’re too grown-up. I almost believe I’m an adult. Then, I look in the mirror and I realize that I am only 17, eyes wide with naiveté, innocence, and curiosity.
How much longer until I have to let all of this go? The date: June 6, 2012, it seems so ominous yet hopeful. I can’t wait until I reach it, but I am hesitant in my eagerness. I am moving forward full-throttle, but I keep glancing back.
I want to fulfill my dreams, achieve my purpose. I am so eager, so so eager. I want it all to be here. But I’m scared, scared, scared. Has everyone else felt this feeling before? Am I being a typical senior?
TOC is just around the corner. I am so excited. The last time I will perform with the amazing pit I had the privilege of leading.
I’m ready to throw up the deuces. Good bye, fall. Hello, Winter.
But beyond that. Beyond the music. Beyond drumline. What’s left?
Did you know that humans see one color, however, to a bird, that color may be another color? A color that doesn’t exist in our senses? A color that may be more exotic and wonderful than anything we as humans can ever imagine?
Did you know that there are giant whales that sing with heart-wrenching beauty? Whose melodies portray an unending joy or maybe a tragic sadness?
Every snowflake has its own intricate design. No two snowflakes are alike. Each have their own mazes, their own intricacies.
If you take all of the blood vessels that a normal human adult contains in its body and string them out, side by side, they can, together, wrap around the world 3 times.
Just above your head is an entire universe. Billions, trillions, quadrillions of stars, earths, planets, suns, and moons occupy the expanse of sky that you see over your head every night.
And underneath your feet are miles, and miles, and miles of molten hot magma, which wrap around the intensely hot core of the earth.
Thousands of miles underneath the surface of the deepest ocean is an active volcano, belching out lava, creating mountains, creating earth.
And yet, out of all these amazing things, the miracle is not the creation of mountains; it is not the core of the earth; it is not the universe in the sky; it is not the blood vessels in your body; it is not the individual snowflake whose delicate design can break into even more beauty; it is not the melody of the whale; it is not the colors we do and do not perceive.
The miracle is you.
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity”
That’s definitely something I gotta work on. Because the kind of “humility” I exude is not humility at all, but rather insecurity. People say “You’re pretty” I reply with a blush and say, “No, I’m not.” That is insecurity.
Humility is an honest evaluation of one’s self which therefore leads to the acceptance of one’s weaknesses and the control of one’s ego. Humility is the purest form of pride because it is the acceptance of who you are. It is the honest loving of one’s self because it recognizes weakness (and then acts to overcome them) while also acknowledging strength.
Insecurity, on the other hand, promotes self pity, which gets you nowhere. Insecurity is worse than pride because it not only accepts one’s weaknesses but indulges in them, and is strengthened by them. Insecurity recognizes your weaknesses, but refuses to acknowledge your strengths, so it creates a distorted self image that prevents growth and self love.
I think this is something everyone can work on, myself included. Never inflate my own ego, but rejoice in my achievements. Never put myself down, but rather accept my shortcomings and work to improve them.
Humility is something I will strive for, so that I can love myself honestly, without feeling arrogant, without feeling downtrodden. I can do this.
I can’t believe I have such an amazing pit. There’s fifteen of us. You would think I would hate at least one person. I don’t! Haha! They are all such amazing and incredible creatures and I really am so lucky to have them in my life